The Red Badge of ...

I can remember reading "The Red Badge of Courage" while in school. It was a decent read. It came to mind for two reasons.

The first is it has to do with running, although the book's running involves running from the Confederates (i.e. the enemy of the Union Army).

The second is my new running shoes earned their own red badge on Saturday on their very first long run. They have more or less dried; but, as I prepared them for their next trot, I noticed the right shoe had a new feature, a blood stain. I knew I had managed to bleed during the Saturday run and not known it at the time; a toe nail had chipped and then peeled off along the side. Well, it apparently bled a lot more than I thought. I am actually a bit amazed I did not know while running; I felt a little "something" but guessed it was a blister starting. How do I categorize this? Overcoming pain? Utter unawareness? Reckless? Focus? I am not sure.

I had planned to run Monday morning; I even woke up early. I then decided to change to Tuesday to give my toe another day and my calves and quads some more time after Sunday's results. I also just felt I needed to do a bit of mental work.

I have been struggling a bit lately and it makes it harder to be motivated to run in the pre-dawn, especially with some injuries. I have been missing the fun factor or even the sense of competition. It seemed like I was losing the plot.

Then, I began to reflect a little. This past week Group 7 was down to 48 runners from being in the mid-70s and 80s. One was at the Surf City Half-Marathon; but, the rest? I was banged up; but, I was still keeping with the group, despite my mid-week training struggles. I also read on the Group's emails that indeed others were struggling. Some had fallen off the group during the long run; I had stayed and at the end I felt like I could go further. May be there is still hope.

There is also the issue of support. Our senior pace leader asked to bring friends and family out to help man water stations. I could not think of anyone who would do it. I do have some support from some friends and family; but, they are all a long, long way away from here. The rest do not care or oppose even trying.

Come race day I basically have accepted there will be no one there at the start, in the middle, or the end. Family will not be. People from church who might have come will all be in Anaheim. Friends will not. Someone I really cared about dumped me in the middle of my really bad spell last year; so, she will not be caring. I will be with some Roadrunners and my group; but, it is just not the same thing. I know a lot of them; but, it is not like when I was on a Servite team.

I am going to run this regardless and I hope to finish regardless. Supported or not. There will not be managers from my old company there to ruin things through their lies and incompetence. I really have no expectations since no one will be watching and no one will care; I just need to finish.

I started running again when things had gotten really bad in my life, when all the pillars starting falling simultaneously. I want to make this running of the Los Angeles Marathon mean something, something positive and a change in momentum.

So, I plan to get up dark and early Tuesday and regardless of my toe, my knee, my quads and calves go for a run with a right shoe with a red badge on it. Be it a badge of courage or defiance or stupidity or stubbornness; it is still mine.